Dead Honest
From Mourning Clothes to Calendar Conflicts: Have We Forgotten How to Honour the Dead?
In Victorian England, mourning clothes like black dresses, crepe and jet jewellery showed the world that someone was grieving. Today grief is mostly invisible, and funerals are often moved to weekends to fit our schedules. This post asks whether, in dropping those old rules, we also lost the habit of stopping to honour the dead.
Nobody Wants to Talk About Death. Until They Do.
Here’s something I find endlessly funny about this work:Nobody wants to talk about death. It’s too dark. Too depressing. Too morbid. Too uncomfortable. Don’t bring it up at dinner. Don’t talk about it at parties. Definitely don’t mention it when everyone is having a nice time. And yet…Give people a room where they’re actually allowed to talk…
The Comfort of Cemeteries and the Truth About Nostalgia
The Victorian Era: London’s Highgate Cemetery This summer I travelled to the UK with my family. In London, I visited Highgate Cemetery, one of London’s “Magnificent Seven” cemeteries, created in the 1800s to address the growing demand for burial space as the city’s population rapidly expanded during the Industrial Revolution. It was certainly magnificent. The…
Community Resource Guide
Victoria has a wealth of services supporting aging and end-of-life care. Here is a list of businesses I know and trust. End-of-Life Planning & Advocacy Patient PathwaysFormer critical care nurse, Connie Jorsvik, provides BC healthcare navigation, advocacy, and education services. She helps patients and families navigate serious illness, aging, and complex healthcare systems, with greater…
Deathly Matters: Showcasing voices not often heard the mainstream
There’s something powerful happening in Victoria, and it’s rooted in one of the few things every single one of us will experience: death. The Deathly Matters conference on May 23rd, 2026 in North Saanich is bringing death back into everyday conversation, placing it where it has always belonged: within community, where it fosters connection and…
What I Didn’t Ask My Dad Before He Died: Because it’s Harder Once Your Person is Sick
I’m 40, which means I’ve somehow become the person people look to when things get hard… while I’m still looking for an adult for advice. It’s called the sandwich generation: we’re building careers, some of us are raising kids, trying to keep our lives together, while watching our parents get older in noticeable ways. And most…
Shared Loss, Shared Humanity: Understanding Collective Grief
This month, I’ve been touched by the shared grief of our nation. Two weeks ago, it was the death of Canadian actress Catherine O’Hara. I was surprised by how much it affected me. I had been watching a lot of Schitt’s Creek lately; it had become my middle-of-the-night comfort show. Moira Rose had started to…
Cold Water for Mental Health: What Ocean Plunging Teaches Me About Showing Up
Every morning at 8am, a group of resilient and joyful people meet by the breakwater for a consistent, uncomfortable, and regulating ritual: walking into the cold pacific ocean and bobbing around together for 10-15 mins (longer in the warmer months). It started out as something I did the morning before presentations, or something else that…
Not everyone is celebrating: Navigating grief at Christmastime
The holidays are sold to us as “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for so many, this season brings more grief than joy. If you’re feeling heavy, hollow, or downright resentful this time of year, you’re far from alone. And if you’re grieving, be it a person, a pet, a relationship, a job,…
How to Remember Loved Ones: Meaningful ways to create ritual and honour the dead
November is a natural time for remembrance. As the days grow colder and darker, we’re invited to turn inward. My friend Jilly calls it embering time — the flames of busyness and bluster have died down, and all that remains are the glowing coals. Time to take an intentional rest for the purpose of conserving…
Victoria Death Care Event: The Doing Death Different Community Marketplace
Looking for end-of-life resources, grief support, or death care options in Victoria? On Sunday, October 4, from 1–4pm at the Royal Canadian Legion (411 Gorge Rd East), we’re gathering again for the 3rd Annual Doing Death Different Community Marketplace—a space to explore death, dying, and grief in creative, honest, and even playful ways. Discover Doing…
How to Raise Independent Kids: Parenting Lessons from a Funeral Director
How do you raise independent kids? By giving them the chance to stand on their own feet while they’re still under your roof. Independence grows when children learn to take responsibility, solve problems, and make mistakes without a parent rushing in to fix everything. I’ve gained that perspective in part by years of working with…
Death as a Rite of Passage: What it Means to Die Well
Death is the final stage of life. It deserves the same honour and preparation we give to birth, graduation, marriage, and other big life transitions. Definition: a rite of passage is a meaningful ritual that marks a significant transition from one stage of life to another. Death is universal and unavoidable but for some reason,…
Little White Crosses: Why Roadside Memorials Matter
Every summer I look forward to road tripping to Alberta with my boys to visit family and friends, and every drive I spot them: those little roadside memorials. White crosses. Silk flowers. A photo tucked under glass. Sometimes a name. Sometimes just a worn teddy bear or a fading ribbon fluttering in the wind. Someone’s…
After Death Home Care – What Happens When We Stay?
Liminal space: that in-between place where a person is transitioning from life into death. It’s long past the point of encouragement that things will get better. Now it’s time for brave words: “This is what dying feels like. It’s OK. Your body knows what to do. Relax and let go.” Just like labouring to birth…
Eco-Friendly Burial Options in Canada: Why B.C. Needs More Options
In British Columbia, we have two legal options when it comes to body disposition: burial and cremation. That’s it. Burial in BC: Traditional vs. Green Burial Traditional burial is what most people picture when they think of a cemetery: caskets, flat lawns, and headstones. The grave is dug, a concrete liner (basically a big concrete…
The Cost of Convenience: Has Honouring the Dead Become Optional?
I’ll admit it, I enjoy the conveniences of technology: online shopping, self-serve checkouts and the many tools at my fingertips on my smart phone. Technology has evolved exponentially fast in a few short decades, but somewhere along the way, we’ve lost something important: our emotional connection to each other. It feels like convenience has become…
Leave Love, Not Stress: The Power of Planning Ahead
Ok, I get it – thinking about the end of your life isn’t exactly the first thing on your to-do list. But taking time to get your affairs in order now can make a world of difference for the people you care about most. You can start by organizing your finances. No need to overhaul…
Embracing Swedish Death Cleaning as an Intentional Act of Love
Have you ever opened a closet to find one item, only to feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff inside? Over a lifetime, we accumulate possessions that hold sentimental value or seem too useful to discard. Swedish Death Cleaning, or döstädning, offers a thoughtful way to declutter, simplify life, and ease the burden on…
Doing Death Different: Special Event October 27th
On October 27th, 2024 The Victoria Holistic Death Care Community is hosting our second annual Doing Death Different event! This is a community marketplace event held at the Royal Canadian Legion (411 Gorge Rd East) from 1 – 4pm. A year ago, a handful of death-caring folks, myself included, got a table at a trade…
The Empowered Estate: A new approach to end-of-life planning
When I became a funeral director 15 years ago I wanted to help families navigate the loss of a loved one. Since then I’ve met with hundreds of families. While I was able to assist them with the care of their deceased loved one, I started to notice where there were gaps in what I…
Zombie Culture and Our Disconnect From Death
Here in North America, we live in an era where death is often sanitized, occurring behind hospital curtains and mortuary walls, yet the undead continue to captivate our imaginations. Zombie culture has skyrocketed in popularity, prevalent in our movies, TV shows and video games. While the undead may seem like harmless fictional creatures, I think…
Death is not a medical emergency – it is possible to slow down.
There is no incorrect way to approach death, there are only options and instincts. That said, when a person dies in BC there are standard steps that need to be taken. This content was inspired by Emily Bootle’s work at DeathCare BC and gratefully shared with her permission. The first few moments: Be present There is a strong…
Top 3 Books About Death I Read in 2022
There are more death positive books on the shelves these days and that’s so encouraging! It can also be overwhelming. Here are some of my favourites, chosen because I find them to be approachable and not too “out there”. Easy to read and empowering – because the best remedy to overcome fear is knowledge! We…
Death Over Dinner
“The dinner table is the most forgiving place for difficult conversation. The ritual of breaking bread creates warmth and connection, and puts us in touch with our humanity. It offers an environment that is more suitable than the usual places we discuss end of life.” Michael Webb, co-creator of Death over Dinner What is a…
Green Burial – Death Nourishing Life
Burying our dead is possibly the most earthly expression of our grief. An open graves confronts mourners with a stark reminder of the reality of loss. In our death denying culture, this is a rare sight, but with green burial there is often a comforting sense that we are honouring our loved one’s earthly shell…