The Cost of Convenience: Has Honouring the Dead Become Optional?

I’ll admit it, I enjoy the conveniences of technology: online shopping, self-serve checkouts and the many tools at my fingertips on my smart phone. Technology has evolved exponentially fast in a few short decades, but somewhere along the way, we’ve lost something important: our emotional connection to each other.

It feels like convenience has become the main priority, even in death.

Do funerals need to be convenient?

There was a time when honouring the dead was non-negotiable. Families gathered, schedules were rearranged, and nothing took precedence over paying respects. Today, funerals must fit neatly into our calendars. A 2-hour gathering feels excessive. A weekday service is inconvenient. Trips aren’t canceled, instead, the funeral waits, and more often, there’s no service at all. “We’ll have the celebration of life in 6 months once it’s summer”.

While a “celebration in the summer” is a lovely thought, there is a very real, very human need to mark the end of a life right now: the need to solemnly put that body to rest and to acknowledge that a life is over. There is a need to recognize that someone who lived, loved, and made a difference is no longer with us. In our quest to stay positive and move forward, could we be overlooking the importance of allowing space for reverence and even sadness?

Maybe it feels indulgent, or even selfish, but taking the time to mourn properly is a critical part of the healing process.

Honouring the dead with our language

The shift in how we honour our dead is also evident in the language we use. “Just cremate me and toss my ashes” or “I don’t care what you do, just keep it cheap.” These comments, even if light-hearted, reflect a deeper truth: we’ve become a throwaway society, even in death.

When families request “just a cremation,” they assume it’s simple. It’s not. It’s not simple to figure out what to do with the ashes of a loved one when no direction was given. It is alarmingly common for those boxes, tubes and urns to end up in the back of closets: a constant reminder of a lack of closure.

The inconvenience of death

Honouring the dead is not about convenience. Death is usually inconvenient. And yet it is the only certainty we have in life. It is the one universal connection we have to one another. Death can actually create connection that wasn’t possible in life. It is worthy of reverence.

Reach out to me if you feel compelled to talk about reclaiming more meaningful farewells. And know that even years after a death it’s never too late to create ritual, honour and closure.